A Few Thoughts While Grocery Shopping

Okay, this gets me every time I’m at the supermarket.

WHY the gluten-free labels on chicken breasts?

Were these chickens raised on a gluten-free diet?  Or are they trying to remind us that plain chicken cutlets are gluten-free?

Word to the wise, farmers: if your chickens have grains in their meat, you are raising your chickens HORRIBLY wrong.

Also:

“Cows raised on an all-vegetarian diet.”

COWS ARE HERBIVORES.  THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE EATING, YOU LOW-EXPECTATION-HAVING MOTHERFUCKER.

(thank you, Chris Rock, for the brilliancy that is “you low-expectation-having motherfucker”)

What else would you like to point out, Mr. Farmer?  That the cows had ALL FOUR LEGS?  That they did, in fact, moo on occasion?

Enjoy Totally Legit Beef!  Cows raised on an all-vegetarian diet.  We also didn’t replace the cows last minute with squirrels and sewer rats.  Don’t forget: gluten-free!

…FYI, if you ever run into me in the grocery store and it looks like I’m suppressing a gigantic, shit-eating grin, it’s because I’m thinking things like this.  Lest you forget that my brain is an absolutely exhausting place to be.

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One thought on “A Few Thoughts While Grocery Shopping

  1. Camilla says:

    Actually, some cows are not exactly raised vegetarians. There are some proteins mixed in their diet so that they have all the phosphorus they need etc. These proteins are of different origins but they are not from vegetables, so yeah, vegetarian diet makes sense! I don’t know about the gluten free chicken, though 🙂 maybe you are right 🙂

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