Practically a decade back, I found myself at the mercy of a terrible boss. A petty, hypocritical, volatile person. A boss who took me in as an apprentice in the profession, only to toss me out into the deep end, so that I spent more time trying to keep my head above water than I ever did learning how to do my job well. I was promised a trusting guide and instead was fed to the wolves.
I’d eventually burn out and quit the job and quit the entire field. I would point to her behavior, her decisions, her antics, as a major contributing factor. I would walk away carrying a heavy anger – a venom I’d channel into a novel about a highly dysfunctional workplace. While the book provided catharsis, it was a story written out of malice, and, as a result, was a slog and a chore to read.
That book has not and probably will never see the light of day. At least not without a proper gutting.
I spent years wondering if I’d ever stop feeling such negative feelings about her, if I’d ever stop wishing for some type of karmic justice, for something to tip the scales back in my favor. I spent years with that anger in my heart, even as I enrolled in new training and started a new career – a career path that fit me way better than the first ever did.
I thought it was impossible to, but eventually the anger dissipated. Slowly, incrementally, but continuously, until it was clear that the anger was gone and I had moved on. Continue reading